When we’re in pain—especially after something as life-altering as divorce—it’s easy to get stuck repeating the story of what went wrong. We talk about it. A lot. Like chewing on the fat left on the side of a steak—bitter, but somehow satisfying. It becomes a habit. A comfort. A pattern.
But what if the very words we speak are keeping us from healing?
God’s Blueprint for Healing
In Genesis 1, we see a powerful truth: before creation began, the Spirit of God hovered over the chaos. He didn’t move instantly. He hovered. Then God spoke—and light came.
Healing often works the same way. It takes time and pressure. And when we speak life, we join God in creating something new from our pain.
Time Under Tension
In fitness, there’s a concept called “time under tension” (TUT)—the longer a muscle stays under stress, the more it grows. Emotional healing is similar. There’s no shortcut. But just like the body grows under pressure, our character and faith do too.
What Are You Speaking?
For a long time, I kept rehearsing the hurt. I didn’t realize my words were reinforcing the pain and bitterness. One day, the Holy Spirit gently interrupted my thought spiral: “Your words have power, Dana.”
And He’s right. Proverbs 18:21 says,
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”
When we chew on pain—out loud—we strengthen neural pathways that lock us into cycles of anger, hurt, and hopelessness. But here’s the hope: our brains can change. That’s neuroplasticity. The more we speak life, hope, and forgiveness, the more our minds and lives shift.
A New Path Forward
It’s not easy. Like forging a new path in the snow, it takes repetition and intentionality. But God wants to partner with us to rebuild what was broken. He can only do that if we let go of the old story and start speaking the new one.
Forgiveness is key. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve healing. You deserve freedom.
So here’s your mission, if you choose to accept it (see what I did there? You are welcome):
Let the Holy Spirit hover.
Let God speak light into your darkness.
Spit out the gristle and choose words that bring life.
To hear more, take a listen to my podcast, Rise & Reclaim After Divorce, Episode 55.