The Valley Is Not the Story

What Follows Us Out of the Valley of Divorce

There comes a point in every journey when you have to stop and look around. Not because you’re lost. Because you need to realize just how far you’ve come.

If you’ve been walking with me through the Valley of the Shadow of Divorce, you’ve probably noticed something about valleys: they don’t always move in a straight line.

There are switchbacks.

There are places where you think, Oh, I’ve already dealt with that.

And then—surprise!—there you are again.

Same emotional territory. Different day.

Healing can be like that.

But here’s what I’ve learned through this journey: the fact that you’re still dealing with something doesn’t mean you’re going backward. Sometimes the Shepherd is simply leading you around another bend.

And that brings us to the final stretch of our VOSOD journey.

 

What Is Following You?

Psalm 23 has been our map through this series. And in Episode 112, we arrive at one of the most beautiful—and perhaps most overlooked—statements in the entire psalm:

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”

Wait.

Follow me?

After everything we’ve experienced in divorce, we may have a very different list of things we believe are following us.

Fear.

Shame.

Rejection.

Failure.

Regret.

Grief.

The words someone spoke over us.

The things we lost.

The mistakes we made.

The things someone else did to us.

Divorce has a nasty little habit of leaving us carrying things we never intended to carry.

A broken heart.

Unanswered questions.

Disappointment.

Anger.

Fear of trusting again.

Fear of loving again.

And sometimes we carry those things for so long that we begin to wonder if they have become part of who we are. But Psalm 23 asks us to look again. Because David doesn’t say condemnation and shame are following him.

He says goodness and mercy are. And that changes the picture.

Surely

I love that word: surely.

Not maybe.

Not possibly.

Not if you heal quickly enough.

Not if you finally figure everything out.

Surely.

David wasn’t writing those words from a life of comfort and ease. He knew what it meant to be hunted, betrayed, afraid, and surrounded by trouble. Yet he had confidence in the character of his Shepherd.

And maybe that’s what we need to remember after divorce.

Our confidence isn’t based on the circumstances around us. It’s based on who God is.

Your marriage changed.

God didn’t.

Your home may have changed.

God didn’t.

Your family structure changed.

God didn’t.

Your plans changed.

God didn’t.

And perhaps most importantly, your circumstances may have shaken your sense of identity—but God’s view of you did not change.

Divorce changed your circumstances. It did not change your worth.

 

The Valley May Be Where You Are, But It Isn’t Who You Are

This has been one of the biggest themes running through the VOSOD series.

You are not your divorce.

You are not your rejection.

You are not your failure.

You are not the worst thing you ever did.

You are not the worst thing someone did to you.

You are not damaged goods.

You are not disposable.

And you are not a spiritual second-class citizen because your marriage ended.

You belong to God. That’s an identity worth fighting for. Because the valley has a way of asking questions:

• Who am I now?
• What am I worth?
• Does God still have a purpose for me?
• Do I still belong?

The answer is yes.

Your divorce may be part of your story.

It is not the whole story.

 

God’s Goodness Doesn’t Mean the Valley Was Good

We also need to make an important distinction. God’s goodness does not mean everything that happened to us was good. Divorce isn’t good simply because God can redeem it.

Betrayal isn’t good.

Abandonment isn’t good.

Broken promises aren’t good.

Loss isn’t good.

We don’t have to pretend the valley was beautiful in order to believe that God is good in the valley.

That’s an important difference.

Sometimes Christians are tempted to put a spiritual bow on painful circumstances and say, Well, everything happens for a reason.

But sometimes things are simply heartbreaking. Sometimes things are wrong. And we don’t have to call something good in order to see God’s goodness in the middle of it.

God’s character doesn’t change because our circumstances do.

 

Mercy That Doesn’t Leave

Psalm 23 also tells us that goodness isn’t the only thing following us.

Mercy is.

The Hebrew word chesed carries the idea of steadfast, faithful, loyal love.

The kind of love that remains. And that matters deeply after divorce. Your spouse may have broken promises. People may have walked away. Friends may have chosen sides. Church relationships may have changed. Someone may have judged you. Someone may even have told you that your usefulness was over.

But God’s faithful love didn’t leave when your marriage did.

You may have lost your place at someone’s table. You did not lose your place at God’s table.

Your earthly address may have changed. Your belonging hasn’t.

Your role may have changed. Your identity in Christ hasn’t.

Your plans may have fallen apart. God’s purposes for you have not been canceled.

 

Look Again

There’s another beautiful piece of Psalm 23:6.

The word translated “follow” carries the idea of pursuing or chasing.

In other words, David isn’t describing goodness and mercy casually strolling several yards behind him.

There’s pursuit here. And I love the picture that creates. Because what if the things pursuing you aren’t only the things you have been afraid of?

What if goodness is pursuing you?

What if mercy is pursuing you?

What if God’s steadfast love is pursuing you?

What if His faithfulness is pursuing you into your future?

Maybe you’ve spent so much time looking backward at what you lost that you haven’t noticed what God is bringing with you.

Look again. The Shepherd hasn’t abandoned you. He’s still providing.

Still restoring.

Still leading.

Still accompanying

Still pursuing.

 

The Table Is Still There

Earlier in Psalm 23, David says that God prepares a table before him in the presence of his enemies.

Notice something.

God doesn’t always remove the valley before He provides. Sometimes He prepares the table right there. In the middle of the mess.

While you’re grieving.

While you’re rebuilding.

While you’re wondering what your life is going to look like.

While you’re staring at everything that fell apart. God may already be preparing what comes next. It may not look like what you expected. It may not be the life you originally planned.

But the Shepherd is still writing. And that brings us to the final truth of this journey:

The Valley Isn’t the Story.

It’s a chapter.

A painful chapter, but…just…a…chapter.

A chapter we might happily rip out of the book if given the opportunity. But it isn’t the whole book. Your divorce is not the end of your story. The valley is not your permanent address. And your past does not get to determine your future.

 

What Do We Carry Out of the Valley?

Maybe the goal was never to leave the valley with everything we carried into it. Maybe some of those things were meant to be surrendered along the trail.

• The shame.
• The false identity.
• The belief that our lives are over.
• The fear that our best days are behind us.
• The idea that because our marriage failed, we failed.
• The belief that God has forgotten us.
• The fear that we no longer have purpose.

Those things don’t belong in the backpack we’re carrying into the next chapter. But there are things we can carry:

• Truth
• Wisdom
• Compassion
• A deeper understanding of God’s character.
• A stronger sense of identity.

And the knowledge that when the Shepherd walked us through the darkest places, He never left us there alone.

So, Friend…Look Again

If you’re still somewhere in the Valley of the Shadow of Divorce, I want you to hear this:

The valley may be where you are.

But it is not who you are.

The valley may explain where you’ve been.

It does not determine where you’re going.

Your divorce may be part of your story.

But it is not the whole story.

And when you look behind you, don’t only look at what you lost.

Look again.

Because goodness is following you. Mercy is following you. Steadfast love is following you. And when you look ahead, don’t only see an empty road.

Look again.

The Shepherd is already there. You may not know what tomorrow looks like. That’s okay. You don’t have to see the whole path to trust the Shepherd. You only need to know who is walking with you.

And who is pursuing you.

Because surely…surely…surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord…forever.

The valley isn’t the story.

It’s a chapter.

And the Shepherd is still writing.